J-Term Ski Classes To Now Include Tips On How To Be Born Rich

With J-term well underway, many Middlebury students are taking advantage of their relaxed schedules to visit the Snow Bowl to flex on colleges with lower tuitions across the nation. Of course, as with every winter season, there are always some on campus that have never actually learned how to ski. Luckily for them, Middlebury’s Snow…

Mother Nature Blesses Middlebury With More White Snowflakes

Last night, more white snowflakes joined the Middlebury campus as two inches of unique and fragile snow covered the campus. As predicted, the cold front was pushed up by a low pressure system in the area just outside Boston. The snowflakes hit Middlebury and immediately blended in with the whiteness on campus. Indeed, upon their…

“Non-Denominational Tree” Comes Out as Firmly Baha’i

After weeks of Mom claiming the household tree was “non-denominational” and “just in the general holiday spirit,” the tree itself has confidently announced that it actually identifies with the Bahá’í religion and its 5 to 8 million adherents across the world who believe in the essential worth of all religions. The tree, which has since…

RA Gets a Life for Christmas

This Christmas, after four months of being told to “get a life,” Eliza Parkins ‘19, a RA in Milliken 4, finally got her wish. The suggestion, that Parkins “take that rod out of her ass and get a f*****ng life,” made its way to her in a series of anonymous notes scribbled on her whiteboard…

Noodle Posts Obligatory Kwanzaa Article

In light of the announcement that Christmas and New Years articles will soon be posted to the Local Noodle’s website, hordes of white Middlebury students have approached the organization demanding an article on the final of the “big three” December Holidays: Kwanzaa. The accusations reportedly blindsided the multimedia news organization, who, despite holding numerous weekly…

Student Stress-Busts Into Tissue

The stress of final exams, projects, presentations, and the library not being open 24/7 finally got to local student Sam Lewin ‘19 this week. Though the junior tried to alleviate his tension through music, meditation, and even free cookie decorating, he reported these practices only added to his feeling of ‘mounting pressure’ by taking time…