Middlebury Mormons Pleased to Announce Daylight Has Been Saved

After fruitless years of spreading the joy of Joseph Smith’s message around town, Middlebury’s resident Mormon duo has successfully converted their first and most important soul: Daylight. They reached Daylight on its way out of the Co-op, where it was enjoying a Sip of Sunshine IPA. The Mormon duo began to explain their worship of…

Kavanaugh Participates in Student Black-Out

Middlebury students were surprised to see Brett Kavanaugh on campus yesterday after the Supreme Court nominee misunderstood the email about the school-wide blackout and showed up with a pack of Four Lokos and a dab pen. After a quick lift with some buddies, he went on a run to Bev-Co with some underclassmen on the…