In a new attempt to create an authentic Thanksgiving meal for students remaining on campus this break, Proctor Dining Hall has announced a new policy that all tables at Thanksgiving will be joined by a member of the Middlebury Republicans. When asked about this change, a spokesperson for Middlebury Dining said, “Of course, we’ve…
Reports surfaced on Tuesday that a sophomore feb was recently kicked out of Middlebury’s non-traditional sexual practices club for being a creepy little perv. According to those familiar with the situation, the student, who has asked to remain anonymous, kept derailing the conversation by incessantly talking about crazy-ass shit like eye contact. “He made me…
In an unsurprising end to Tuesday’s election, Christine Hallquist, Democratic bid for Vermont governor, lost her battle for second place after a single write-in vote for Fartface McDickhead was counted. The vote, sent via absentee ballot in an envelope sealed with chewed gum and Scooby-Doo scratch ‘n sniff stickers, was counted late in the night…
After fruitless years of spreading the joy of Joseph Smith’s message around town, Middlebury’s resident Mormon duo has successfully converted their first and most important soul: Daylight. They reached Daylight on its way out of the Co-op, where it was enjoying a Sip of Sunshine IPA. The Mormon duo began to explain their worship of…
This fall, Middlebury welcomed its most diverse class of first-year students in college history. Fall admits, according to the Admissions Office, came from 49 countries this year and all 50 states, with a record number of students of color representing the Class of 2022. Despite this equitable progress in student demographics, however, many voice concern…
Middlebury students were surprised to see Brett Kavanaugh on campus yesterday after the Supreme Court nominee misunderstood the email about the school-wide blackout and showed up with a pack of Four Lokos and a dab pen. After a quick lift with some buddies, he went on a run to Bev-Co with some underclassmen on the…
