The CBRT got miffed at the Noodle this Sunday morning after the beloved student publication rushed their month-long process of drafting a response to the Chem 103 test debacle. The Noodle’s hilarious and viral article, which drew public attention to the incident, grew popular enough to force the CBRT to address an issue they had…
Tensions broke loose this morning with regards to the MCAB-organized spring concert when the Marxist Club announced plans to protest Ty Dolla $ign’s performance later tonight in Kenyon Arena. “We are disgusted, but not surprised, that our school has given a platform to such an unabashed proponent of the oppressive bourgeoisie regime,” says Marxist Club…
Chemistry 103 students this semester were in for a surprise when, after five weeks of stoichiometry, David Irving Professor of Chemistry Ricardo Klement tasked them with an unexpected problem on the mid-term: calculating the amount of Hydrogen Cyanide gas needed to fill a concentration room chamber with a lethal dose for humans. Students in the…
After several years of unlucky performance from the men’s lacrosse team, students have started chalking up its abysmal performance in the NESCAC to a combinations of beers and concussions. However, in light of the recent college admissions scandal, the players are now under review to determine whether they know how to play lacrosse at all.…
Loyal to his four-year stand against Ross, Jordan Gray ’19 found himself eating alone in Proctor this Saturday night as the rest of his class celebrated 100 Days in the beloved dining hall. Though Jordan claimed his ‘FOMO’ was “totally eclipsed” by the pleasures of availability in the booth room and no lines at the panini…
Middlebury was proud to celebrate Transgender Awareness Week this year by announcing the end of inclusive bathrooms. Though the quick turnaround was met by disapproval from students, the college defended the decision by arguing that the endowment can’t maintain a $0.62 papercut poster printing expenditure any longer. Despite student disappointment with the brevity of Middlebury’s…
President Patton surprised campus last week by announcing her successful deposition of the only remaining competitor with a claim to Middlebury’s presidency: Bill of House Burger. Burger, known to his friend as the Warden of Old Chapel, had allegedly been locked in a power struggle with the Empress Patton for months. His demise comes after…
