Loyal to his four-year stand against Ross, Jordan Gray ’19 found himself eating alone in Proctor this Saturday night as the rest of his class celebrated 100 Days in the beloved dining hall. Though Jordan claimed his ‘FOMO’ was “totally eclipsed” by the pleasures of availability in the booth room and no lines at the panini…

Middlebury was proud to celebrate Transgender Awareness Week this year by announcing the end of inclusive bathrooms. Though the quick turnaround was met by disapproval from students, the college defended the decision by arguing that the endowment can’t maintain a $0.62 papercut poster printing expenditure any longer. Despite student disappointment with the brevity of Middlebury’s…

President Patton surprised campus last week by announcing her successful deposition of the only remaining competitor with a claim to Middlebury’s presidency: Bill of House Burger. Burger, known to his friend as the Warden of Old Chapel, had allegedly been locked in a power struggle with the Empress Patton for months. His demise comes after…

This Tuesday morning, President Laurie Patton took to the floor of Wilson Hall to announce the implementation of Energy2028, a new approach to sustainable energy consumption at the college, which the Board of Trustees swiftly advanced despite heavy opposition from the Middlebury student body. The plan, which Trustees have vigorously advocated from within, has been…

With J-term well underway, many Middlebury students are taking advantage of their relaxed schedules to visit the Snow Bowl to flex on colleges with lower tuitions across the nation. Of course, as with every winter season, there are always some on campus that have never actually learned how to ski. Luckily for them, Middlebury’s Snow…

Last night, more white snowflakes joined the Middlebury campus as two inches of unique and fragile snow covered the campus. As predicted, the cold front was pushed up by a low pressure system in the area just outside Boston. The snowflakes hit Middlebury and immediately blended in with the whiteness on campus. Indeed, upon their…

After weeks of Mom claiming the household tree was “non-denominational” and “just in the general holiday spirit,” the tree itself has confidently announced that it actually identifies with the Bahá’í religion and its 5 to 8 million adherents across the world who believe in the essential worth of all religions. The tree, which has since…