At midnight on October 1st, Lucifer, king of hellfire and Ross Dining Hall lunch lines, arose from the fiery depths to stand in front of Mead Chapel and decree that he had seen his shadow. For Middlebury students, this meant 37 more weeks of midterms. “According to the moon cycles, this was supposed to happen…
In keeping with its mission of empowering everybody to live their best life, YouPower has launched a virtual reality experience called iPower, which simulates 45 minutes of living as a super hot blonde. This benevolent plan came to spin instructor Helen Otroy ’21 during a particularly grueling sprint through “Nice for What.” “I started to…
The ocean—what is it? Featuring distinguished speakers from all over the world, this year’s Clifford Symposium will address this crucial question through a set of lectures and screenings throughout the weekend. Thursday – 9/19 12:30-1:20PM: “The Ocean is a Controlled Hallucination” Professor Kendrick Krazee, who hails from the annals of the New York City subway system,…
Long lines formed outside dining halls this week due to a new dining services policy that calls for everyone to discard laptops, shoes, and liquid items greater than 3 ounces prior to entering. Dining Services coordinator Deborah Bickerstaff said that the new policy was devised over the summer as part of Dining Services’ multi-year plan…
The Pregnancy Resource Center (PRC), infamous for providing “alternative information” on birth control to trick pregnant women out of abortions, announced last week that they would be providing free pregnancies at Middlebury’s annual activities fair this Thursday. The center’s PR director, Embree Ough announced that the pregnancies will be administered primarily by untrained professionals. “Many…
Whereas we, the Local Noodle, have been ignored by the administration, the student body, and my friend Jessie’s dog for the last three years; whereas the only recourse remaining is either armed revolution or quiet submission; whereas we are the sole, unitary, authoritative voice of the student body: be it resolved that we, the Local…
In a school wide email disseminated early Sunday morning, Middlebury College administrators announced their decision to cancel the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Mr. Christ, 33, is a highly controversial Arab rabbi known primarily for the best-selling book series inspired by his spiritual wanderings in and around the Middle East. In a surprising turn of events,…
