Students Enjoying Annual Reminder that Everything Beautiful Will Die

With both leaves and temperatures dropping this week, students are enjoying Mother Nature’s annual autumnal reminder that everything beautiful will die. “It finally hit me that the fall trees aren’t just pretty—they’re also slowly dying in a final requiem of colorful decay. Just like me!” said Sally Naheelis ‘20.   Many students have reported grappling with…

Commons System Replaced with House of Lords

In a surprise development late last night, Middlebury administrators announced that the decades-old Commons systems will be replaced with a House of Lords. “We realize that, much like the British government, the Commons system has only served to further confuse our community over the years,” said Vice President for Student Affairs Gavina Williamson. “In that…

Bros Lining Up at Parton After Email Announces Free Shots

With flu season right around the corner, Parton Health Center announced that for one week, and one week only, they would be handing out two shots for the price of one. “Pull up your sleeves. Grab all the boys. It’s flu season baby,” said Nurse Jubilee Joy. This policy saw students who were desperately in…

Satan Sees His Shadow, Announces 37 More Weeks of Midterms

At midnight on October 1st, Lucifer, king of hellfire and Ross Dining Hall lunch lines, arose from the fiery depths to stand in front of Mead Chapel and decree that he had seen his shadow. For Middlebury students, this meant 37 more weeks of midterms.  “According to the moon cycles, this was supposed to happen…

Recapping the 2019 Clifford Symposium

The ocean—what is it? Featuring distinguished speakers from all over the world, this year’s Clifford Symposium will address this crucial question through a set of lectures and screenings throughout the weekend.  Thursday – 9/19 12:30-1:20PM: “The Ocean is a Controlled Hallucination”  Professor Kendrick Krazee, who hails from the annals of the New York City subway system,…