Editorial: The Middlebury Campus Must Apologize for Making Light of the Suez Canal Crisis- That’s Where All Our Print Copies Are

As a general rule of thumb, we at the Noodle try to refrain from writing with our own voice. Today, however, we would like to acknowledge The Middlebury Campus “Newspaper’s” callous mockery of the Suez Canal Crisis. We were shocked, disappointed, and frankly disgusted by The Middlebury Campus’ attempt at making light of the very…

Governor Phil Scott Bans Vaccines for All College Students Because “Those Kids Can Go Fuck Themselves”

After enduring criticism for not allowing out-of-state college students to get vaccinated, Vermont Governor and token Republican Phil “one of the good ones” Scott decided to double-down on his position and signed an executive order forbidding Covid vaccinations from going to any college student in the state. When reminded he already forbid these same students…

Breaking: Leaked Documents Show MCAB promises Vaccines for Winter Carnival

This week The Local Noodle bravely intercepted a leaked email forwarded to the Middlebury Campus outlining Winter Carnival plans in great detail. The email claims that ”Maybe Cops are Bastards,” or MCAB, is reportedly planning to give every single attendee COVID vaccine shots, plus enough events to drown out the crushing loneliness of zoom school. …

Virtue Field House Track Converted to Runway, Students to Showcase the Covid Testing Outfits They’ve Been Planning all J-Term

Amidst a spur of changes to Middlebury’s Covid-19 policies, the administration has converted the track at the Virtue Field House into a runway to better showcase the outfits students have been planning all winter. Middlebury’s artsiest, most sylphlike students will don their most avant-garde or otherwise most flattering attire in order to make the best…