As a general rule of thumb, we at the Noodle try to refrain from writing with our own voice. Today, however, we would like to acknowledge The Middlebury Campus “Newspaper’s” callous mockery of the Suez Canal Crisis. We were shocked, disappointed, and frankly disgusted by The Middlebury Campus’ attempt at making light of the very serious predicament of The Ever Given, as that ship actually contains the print copies of our Local Noodle April Fools edition.
If the Campus really cared about international trade they wouldn’t find this so funny. It is clear they can skirt school Covid-19 publication distribution guidelines by using spiffy magazines, but other student publications are not so lucky. We’ve had to outsource our printing jobs as we’re not allowed to drive to Burlington to pick up the papers, and thus every copy of our next print edition got stuck on that boat. Everyone is well aware that the Suez canal blockage caused some serious economic harm, but now our entire staff has to forgo their social capital this week as the paper drops later this weekend. Perhaps the Campus should have done some actual research before reporting on this crisis.
Indeed, The Campus must apologize, and honestly issue a retraction. They have so many “great ideas” about unblocking the Ever Given, but seem mute when it comes to reporting the damage the fiasco has done to Middlebury’s actual campus. When the student body is deprived of our phenomenal content, everyone suffers. The people demand access to The Noodle- we are known as Middlebury’s only news source for a reason. The Campus has also have ignored our kickball and tennis challenges, which adds to the sting of this insensitivity.
As an aside, all members of The Noodle are active participants in the town of Middlebury’s only Napoleonic War Reenactment Club. As the Suez Canal was first proposed by Napoleon (this is real), we cannot help but think that there is personal malice behind this attack. The Campus clearly does not care about upholding Big Bonaparte’s dreams, and to that we say “au revoir.”
Also, the Online Team’s suggestion was dumb. How do you “turn off” a boat?
We will accept nothing less than a complete and total apology from the Middlebury Campus on the front page of their website. While we still wish all Local Noodle readers a happy April Fools day, we know it has been ruined for all of them by the Campus’ japes. We assure our readers that the next print edition of the Local noodle will be delivered soon.
-The Local Noodle Team