Biddy Says She’ll “Just Touch Up the Powerpoint,” Ends Up Gentrifying Your Entire Neighborhood


Once a biddy begins to “add a few finishing touches”, it is often remarkably difficult to get her to stop.

Instead of adding significant content to the powerpoint that Tre Hardson ‘21 made for his sociology class’s midterm presentation this week, his biddy partner instead opted to gentrify his entire neighborhood. 

Hardson only agreed to work with Jean Jookit ‘20, his biddy partner, because “we made eye contact after the professor announced the assignment, so I was fucked”. Hardson did most of the powerpoint alone, since Jookit was occupied with turning Hardson’s hometown into another soulless iteration of “suburban-American values.”

Jookit did make slight modifications to the powerpoint however: she changed its theme from “Simple Dark” to “Simple Light” and deleted the “Citation” and “Conclusion” slides for aesthetic purposes. 

For additional aesthetic purposes, she bulldozed several public housing complexes near Tre’s highschool to “make the neighborhood feel safer”. 

“Now, my town,” said Hardson, “like our project, is filled with superficial attempts to make her feel like she’s adding something positive while I suffer!” 

Just as Jookit added a couple of “fade” transitions to several low-resolution images that were entirely irrelevant to the project, she also transitioned Hardson’s town into another epicentre of disaffected Americans who consistently refuse to acknowledge the homeless.

When criticized for her actions concerning both the project and Hardson’s hometown, Jookit said that “bad things may happen, but it’s ok as long as they don’t happen to me.” 

With Jookit’s graduation this year, she’s anticipated to gentrify full-time with second-wave feminist values and a “temporary” job as a project manager for a private military company.

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