Obama Returns to Beloved Alma Mater, Middlebury

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America’s 44th president returns to his alma mater regularly to reminisce on student protests of yesteryear. 

Middlebury received a pleasant surprise yesterday when celebrated alum Barack Obama ‘79.5 dropped in to visit campus to get an Even Steven at the Grille. Obama is Middlebury’s fourth most famous alum after Steven Hauschka ‘07, Rafi from the League ‘95, and the entire band known as Dispatch ‘96-’98. 

“It’s good to be home,” said Obama while reflecting on his tenure as a student. “This school gave me the tools to become the forty-fourth president of the United States of America and consequently the leader of the free world. I could never have set the record for most Twitter followers had it not been for the critical thinking skills that can only be instilled via a liberal arts institution.”

The former president was extremely involved in campus life during his time here, and even squeezed in the time during his visit to scrimmage against the Quidditch team, which he helped to found in 1977.

“It is through my time on the Quidditch team that I really learned to live an engaged and consequential life. Being a seeker is a lot like being president- everybody’s watching you.”  

 As an aside, JK Rowling later incorporated the sport that Mr. Obama and his classmates created into her award-winning series, published almost 25 years later. 

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“It is through my time on the Quidditch team that I really learned to live an engaged and consequential life.” – President Barack Obama

Obama also applauded the protest mentality shared by the students of recent years.

“I’m no stranger to protests,” said Mr. Obama to a small crowd at WOMP after reciting his poem titled Obama…cares. “I was the one who initially started the Divest movement. Of course, back in my day, we were divesting from greek life, not fossil fuels.”

The former president ended the night by reflecting on how Middlebury has changed greatly since his time here. 

“I’m disappointed to see the commons system go, but at the same time, I’m really into #hoping [sic] for a chance to go #forward [sic]. I am, of course, eternally thankful for my time as a member of the Cook Commons. Especially because that’s how I got interested in politics in the first place- I was a Cook senator, you know. Go flying pigs!”

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