Pregnancy Resource Center to Give Out Free Pregnancies at Student Activities Fair

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Students at the club fair passed up pregnancies and instead signed up for The Local Noodle’s meetings every Thursday at 730 in the Gamut Room.

The Pregnancy Resource Center (PRC), infamous for providing “alternative information” on birth control to trick pregnant women out of abortions, announced last week that they would be providing free pregnancies at Middlebury’s annual activities fair this Thursday. 

The center’s PR director, Embree Ough announced that the pregnancies will be administered primarily by untrained professionals. 

“Many studies show that millennials are no longer having sex because children are ‘too expensive.’ So, we figured we were more than happy to fuck over these kids free of charge, so to speak,” she said. 

The PRC’s presence at the activities fair has been a perennial cause of concern for many students, partly because their efforts to disguise themselves as medical professionals and take advantage of scared women seems unethical, and partly because since they don’t hand out any free stickers, snacks, or medically verifiable information. 

When offered a pregnancy, 78% percent of first-years said ‘no thank you.’ However, first-year Mikayla Cochran, said, “Thank god they’re free.” 

Alternative ideas to increase student pregnancies have included Holy condoms, marshmallow fluff disguised as spermicide, and DIY IUD tutorial DVDs. 

The folks over at the PRC anxiously await the fair. There have been rumblings that next year, they plan to bring in a claw machine filled with free babies.  

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