Legutko Clearly Still Deciding Between Middlebury and Colby


Legutko was overheard at a prospie event saying, “I hate ice cream socialism.”

Ryszard Legutko, a Polish delegate to the European Parliament and prospective member of the class of ‘23, has been spotted visiting campus for Prospie Days to make a final decision between attending Middlebury or Colby this coming fall.

Though Legutko, who is staying on the floor in Allen, claimed to be leaning towards Middlebury, sources close to the leader of the PiS party, which is accused of deteriorating Poland’s liberal democracy, claim he really liked the ‘vibe’ at Colby.

Despite this preference, his two days at Middlebury seem to be winning the controversial philosopher and politician over. When asked about his experience so far, Legutko did have some notable moments to share.

“I really liked the improv workshop hosted for my fellow prospies today in Coltrane Lounge. It pleasantly reminded me of what I once said about gay marriage on an interview with France 24both are unnecessary, destructive experiments.”

Though Legutko has reservations about the idea of attending a ‘liberal’ arts college, he liked the AEI meeting he sat in on and was excited about the academics, particularly a Chem 103 class he visited.

However, he intensely disliked the ice cream social, explaining, “If you turn to chapter 2 of my book ‘Why I Am Not Tolerant,’ you see that I discuss that I am in fact not tolerant of lactose. As such, the ice cream social made my tummy hurt.”

Even with this negative experience, Legutko has admitted that overall, he’s leaning Middlebury. It closely fits his bill as a small, rural college with no Hebrew Department and few openly gay people.

Luckily, since this campus has practiced rhetorical resilience since the infamous speech by Charles Murray two years ago, the administrators are confident nothing will happen. But as a precautionary measure, one PoliSci professor was seen, in anticipation of his visit, covertly ordering a custom neck brace.


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