In light of the announcement that Christmas and New Years articles will soon be posted to the Local Noodle’s website, hordes of white Middlebury students have approached the organization demanding an article on the final of the “big three” December Holidays: Kwanzaa.
The accusations reportedly blindsided the multimedia news organization, who, despite holding numerous weekly meetings to plan content, had never once devoted time to thinking of a clever headline for the holiday first established in the 1990s.
When asked if the failure to cover any Kwanzaa related hijinx stemmed from a lack of respect for Nguzo Saba, the seven core principles of the holiday, and its founder Maulana Karenga’s legacy, a spokesperson for the Noodle replied, “The Noodle is an inclusive club that thoroughly wants to take the time to wish its readers Happy Kwanzaa. Or, Merry Kwanzaa. Go Kwanzaa?”
The Noodle also released an official statement saying, “However you acknowledge the existence of the holiday, we give our love, condolences, and highest of esteems to those mourning, celebrating, memorializing, with, beside, or under Kwanzaa today.”
Following the statement, The Local Noodle also uploaded an article that simply read “Kwanza [sic] is cool!”
Though this article appeased most of the tens of twelves of students who demanded more Kwanzaa content from the organization, some criticized the paper for using photoshop to place a Kinara in Ross instead of using an unmodified picture as they have done for every other article published.