Student Stress-Busts Into Tissue


Lewin’s study carrel right before stress-busting for the eighth time today.

The stress of final exams, projects, presentations, and the library not being open 24/7 finally got to local student Sam Lewin ‘19 this week. Though the junior tried to alleviate his tension through music, meditation, and even free cookie decorating, he reported these practices only added to his feeling of ‘mounting pressure’ by taking time out of his day. Instead, this pressure continued growing until it ultimately climaxed in the Proctor bathroom today at approximately 11:37 AM.  

This incident comes in light of a brutal econ final Sam has been worrying about for weeks, and though he meant only to enter the bathroom to wash his hands of free frosting, once inside he could not resist the allure of entering private browsing mode and searching  “go/flapper.”

In the following thirty seconds of stroking his ego and two minutes of bemoaning his fate, his anxiousness was finally expelled from his body when Lewin busted a huge load of stress into a nearby napkin. Samuel was apparently so overwhelmed by relief that he did not regain motor function for a full two minutes, and it took five tissues and a mop to completely clean up the mess of apprehension and nerves.

MCAB is now reviewing whether or not they will add this practice to their formal stress busting activities in conjunction with a screening of the last Riddim show.


Editor’s Note: If anyone would be interested in helping me out with my stress relieving, I could really use a “tutor.” Things are looking pretty blue right now- I’ve got a lot of studying to do and such, so just having someone there to take that tension away would be immensely helpful. Please contact The Local Noodle at 910-916-4691 for more information about this position.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s