In an unsurprising end to Tuesday’s election, Christine Hallquist, Democratic bid for Vermont governor, lost her battle for second place after a single write-in vote for Fartface McDickhead was counted.
The vote, sent via absentee ballot in an envelope sealed with chewed gum and Scooby-Doo scratch ‘n sniff stickers, was counted late in the night but changed the outcome entirely.
Faye Kinnit, secretary at the Addison County Board of Elections, found the outcome-altering envelope in a misplaced pile of other absentee ballots. She brought it to the counting facility because, “it was just too cute not to share.”
When asked for comment, a Hallquist spokesperson said, “Ms. Hallquist only lost the spot for second place by a fraction of a percentage point, so no, we’re not discouraged.”
She also announced that Hallquist is already looking forward to the eagerly-anticipated 2019 races for Family Court Judiciary or Tax Office Clerk.