Kavanaugh Participates in Student Black-Out


Kavanaugh expresses his glee at the ease of being unanimously confirmed as “BP Champion.”

Middlebury students were surprised to see Brett Kavanaugh on campus yesterday after the Supreme Court nominee misunderstood the email about the school-wide blackout and showed up with a pack of Four Lokos and a dab pen.

After a quick lift with some buddies, he went on a run to Bev-Co with some underclassmen on the hockey team. CCTV footage from the store shows the owner questioning his purchase of 10 6-packs of Natty Lights for the minors who had driven him, though the matter was settled when the owner asked him if he had bought alcohol for minors before and he replied, “Have you?”

Kavanaugh was later spotted at Atwater, where he played a game called Devil’s Triangle, which, as he explained, “was certainly not a drinking game.” The next day, he was spotted sipping a vegan smoothie at Ross brunch. When asked about his night on campus, he replied, “I have a perfect memory of the events, and from everything I can remember, I do not recall a thing.”

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