Econ Department Encourages Widespread Looting in Next Blackout


One Econ major addresses problems of inequitable distribution by looting his rich friend’s old-looking picture thing.

Community was shocked on the night before classes began when a town-wide power outage afflicted students, faculty, and residents alike. While no damages were reported, the college’s Department of Economics utilized the blackout as a lesson plan by supporting students’ efforts to loot campus.

When asked his thoughts on the matter, professor Lucas Johansen said, “We really want students to apply theory practices to real life situations, and what better way to do so than by stealing electronic appliances from buildings around campus? It’s really a direct application of anarcho-capitalism, which I find absolutely fascinating.”

“The way I see it, supply and demand is a pretty big principle here,” noted associate professor Kristina Hellickson. “There’s a low supply of Public Safety officers roaming campus, and I demand a new laptop. It’s really just basic principle and taking advantage of the opportunities presented.”

The collective stance of the economy faculty has sparked controversy across the college. Many have already pointed out the direct violation of the school handbook’s “No Looting” policy, but even department chair Murphy Rowland maintains that as long as the intention is academic, the department’s encouragement of widespread looting is appropriate.

“Look, the amount of economic theory that we can teach in this situation is unparalleled,” said Rowland. “We acknowledge there’s no such thing as a free lunch, but there is such a thing as a free flat screen TV from Davis.”

While the methods might be morally questionable, the department is certain that this unorthodox style of teaching will certainly improve student’s potential capital.

“We may never shatter the glass ceiling,” added Hellickson, “but I will definitely shatter some fucking windows to get new appliances.”

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