PubSafe Puts Boot on Student

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Gauthier ’19 will not be allowed to remove his boot until he fills out six forms, pays $200 in fines, and sits begging and sobbing in the PubSafe office for a 1-2 hour period. Then, his request will be considered.

PubSafe officially crossed the line this afternoon when Officer James put a boot on Harry Gauthier ‘19 as penalty for his unreturned library books. Gauthier, a junior History major and starter on the soccer team, says he is shocked by the punishment, which will effectively take him out for the rest of the season.

“I just don’t get it. I had two books checked out for an extra day, and now I literally can’t get to my classes,” Gauthier told a Local Noodle correspondent, shaking his head. “It’s an unfair punishment. I just can’t stand it.”

According to an inside source at the Office of Public Safety, this is the 79th booth installed this semester, an all-time high for PubSafe. The correspondent explained these boots are the only way the department makes money, which might help explain their cruel, cruel vindictiveness and overzealousness with boots.

“But don’t worry, it’s not that PubSafe hates you. They just want your money,” said the source, who preferred to remain anonymous.

When asked about their decision to extend car boots to individual students, Officer James said, “It was a no-brainer for us, really. We’re serious about enforcing community standards, so we think it’s totally appropriate for rule-breakers of all kinds to be shaking in their boots.”

Although his soccer team has tried to support Gauthier in these tough times, apparently their advice to walk it off keeps falling flat.

 

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