Wilson Hall So Lit Fire Alarm Is Pulled Three Times


Students frantically text friends, asking if they are amongst the 700 protesters who didn’t make it inside.

Wilson Hall in the McCullough Student Center was reportedly so lit this afternoon at around 4 p.m. that the fire alarm had to be pulled three times consecutively. According to several Facebook live streams, the event looked like it surpassed ‘Coltrane levels of lit’ by the time an unidentified student pulled the fire alarm, and then again, and then again.

The action centered around the protest of speaker and Midd parent Charles Murray. Although there was much controversy amongst students about the method of protest, not one person disagreed with the decision to pull the fire alarm after free speech became such a ‘hot topic’ that students got really ‘fired up.’

Student authorities claim that this was the most action Wilson had seen since the “mandatory but super fun” Feb Orientation square dance a couple weeks ago. Since that epic night of revelry, the Hall has not once witnessed so much choreographed spinning and call and response amongst students.

After reading the Washington Post articles on the protest, upcoming speaker Edward Snowden preemptively decided to conduct his lecture entirely virtually. He also says he’s looking forward to his moderator, Allison Stanger, after hearing her announce she would “ask hard questions.”

A rumor is circulating that the fire alarm was pulled as a final attempt to silence Murray by sprinkling water on the screen where his interview was broadcasted. That, the protesters say, would have been “totally wet.”

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