Life Resumes As If World Didn’t Just Fall Apart


This is our new president.

Students this Wednesday reportedly woke up, brushed their teeth, and went to class as if the world had not just fucking fallen apart. According to campus sources, teachers taught their pre-planned class curriculums and assigned readings as if our nation had not willfully elected a megalomaniacal President and Republican Senate and House.

All of the dining halls were open for their normal meal hours this Wednesday, with a normality suggesting that America did not recently allow the head of the Apprentice to have access to all of our nuclear codes and highest intelligence level. Indeed, the sun rose and set at its normal times – despite the fact that President elect Trump had not already appointed Myron Ebbell, a climate change denier, to run the EPA.

By all accounts, time will continue to pass as per usual, even though the founder of the Birther movement will soon live in the White House with the constitutional authority to appoint Supreme Court judges and command the armed forces.

Although the Canadian immigration website already crashed at 8:30 p.m. last night, all evidence suggests life will resume normally there as well as in Mexico, where the peso has dropped 12%. Given the overwhelming evidence that time will continue to pass as the world tears apart at its seams, the Noodle suggests you continue to do your homework, call your parents, and remember nostalgically the last time you felt hope, some 24 hours ago.

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