As the CCI team listened to Trump’s platform last night, they were struck by the truth in his words, and realized that their problems would be solved if they just started giving Middlebury students tremendous jobs. The CCI realized that they, like America, need to bring in jobs, that they have to take the jobs back, that Mexico has taken the tremendous jobs, and they have to take them back.
This realization inspired a wave of new resolve amongst CCI team members, and provided a clear direction for the office. The Head of the CCI, Doris Plumbers, immediately started incorporating some of Trump’s policies into the CCI’s strategic plan. Right after the debate, she sent an email to all students, alumni, and parents, describing the new job strategy as, “It’s really fantastic. It’s amazing. It’s horrifying. The things people have done, the things I’ve heard. There are jobs like you’d never believe. Jobs, and I’m telling you, jobs you wouldn’t believe. Believe me.”
In addition to outlining new ‘plans to get tremendous jobs, tremendous,’ Plumbers also included some other platform points to “Make Coltrane Great Again.” These included a resolve to build a wall around Middlebury, ‘to keep those motorcycle gangs out, they’re stealing all our jobs.’ The CCI also came out in support of the fondler.
President Laurie Patton has already openly questioned these extreme new policy changes, but in response to her disapproval, the CCI just called her a ‘nasty woman,’ and said if she didn’t like these changes, she could’ve created rules against the policies in the 30 months that she’s been president.